I had a business partner who was giving tons of speeches and presentations. They asked him why he loved giving presentations? His answer was “I hate it and I am bad at it, I hate getting in front of audiences”. So we asked him “If you hate getting up in front of audiences, why do you continue to give presentations?” His answer was so “he could overcome his public speaking issues”.
Ok, a very clever answer.
This pretty much sums up my history of being single and trying to meet women. And it is pretty much the same deal and be good at keeping a relationship. Today I am more than 12 years happily married, but that was not always the case.
I was terrible at meeting women. Though I would go out on dates and periodically acquire a girlfriend, usually one with some quirkiness, I always have been bad at relationships. I got married when I was 42 for the first time. I don’t know how to flirt and I pretty much don’t remember to get gifts sometimes and often I forget about things that are needed in my current relationship. I guess because I have made it past 14 years I must be doing something right!
The bottom line is all relationships take time, careful thought, and nurturing. But most of all they require repeat and rinse. That’s a weird thing to say about relationships, but for men, it makes sense.
So why would I, a many-year, muti-loser at relationships, write an article on relationship building for men. First off, I strive to get better. Most men like me are busy with our lives, our work, whatever. And most men are not good at the game of relationship building with women. It takes planning and good time management skills. Not exactly the stuff I am known for.
So, what do I do about my relationship? I have to spend time on it. That is very similar to what we say about your business. You can be in it doing it, but every once in a while you have to spend time on it, meaning looking at the business from outside and every angle. It’s only in these vantage points you can actually see what is going on overall in both business and in your most important personal relationships.
This title, “Relationship Builder For Men” has been banging around in my head for the past 10 years. I came up with that line to describe either a book I will be writing or a software program/membership thing for men to build up their skills in relationships with women (or other men). I’ve heard a lot and read a lot of books on relationships and meeting women. I’ve also been in multiple relationships and now one loving relationship with my wife for over 14 years, so it is from some experience I write. And trust me I am not an expert on relationship building, but I have had to become that person to be who I am today. Relationship Builder For Men represents a couple of things that will make sense if you think about this carefully.
I have already established that am not a guru or an expert in relationships. In fact, my only connection to assisting people with dating and relationship building and anything dating related is the fact that I have been the CTO of Pre-Dating Speed Dating, which is the longest-running national dating event company in the US. CTO means Chief Technology Officer, so my role in this speed dating event company has almost always been technical. I am the programmer and make sure the emails get sent from the servers and the e-payments go through. But I am also a writer, lived with several women, and have an MBA and tons of life experience.
A few years ago, my friend Tom (our old competitor in the dating event business) and I were asked to speak together on stage at the yearly iDate (Internet Dating Conference) about speed dating events and dating events in general. We were thinking of all the matchmakers we met at this conference and how little experience they had to help people. Most matchmakers we encountered were young good-looking women who were never married or in a serious relationship. Both Tom and I were married a little bit later in life. We both struggled with meeting the right woman for our lives, but we both ended up marrying and having kids. He has 3 and I have 2. So, we figured we probably knew more about relationships and meeting people than the young gun matchmakers.
So, I just meant this article to be an introduction to the real work. Let’s say it’s more like, men need to understand the schedule of life, that things are not always from passion. That is the big understanding men need to grasp, that feeling good about yourself is not the reason you take action to do something loving or caring for your partner. You take action because often women want to feel you care. You may care a lot but only big or small details make it real for women.
Consider my random thoughts. Fridays I believe statistically are the best days to buy your girlfriend, wife, or the women you desire flowers. It, not a hard and fast rule. It is one I learned. When you travel for business always bring home a gift. There is a saying “Forget your wife’s birthday once, you will never forget it again”.
So what we all need is a better system to manage our calendar? Or we need a system or something that lets us know it is time to do something special.
What is this system that helps you with your relationship? I am not sure, I am still thinking through this idea. When I figure it out, I will let you know. If you know before me, tell me!
Bad relationship builders like me need a calendar to remind us to get these little gifts and make the relationship better. If you are as absent-minded as me, you will forget something because we are not good at this. But most men are not. Just accept your faith and set your calendar and pray you don’t put off the gift-buying too long and forget about their birthday (again). If you are interested in my system for relationship building let me know. I am considering an app or a simple calendar service just for this thing. Have a great day. I can always be reached at my info in my bio!